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【社會心】非理性思想(68)--復和是條雙程路

 

回顧過去,原來已有七期討論因社會矛盾帶來關係破壞而探討修復之道。扼要而言,首先,我們不是「非友即敵」,不要視不同意見者便劃分界線,因為我們若要分界線,便如同割席,我們的席能夠割多少次呢?第二,先冷靜聆聽,後溫和表達。用正能量的心態出發,彼此本是同根生,相煎何太急。第三,盡可能求同存異盡努力彼此尊重。在觀點差異大的時候,暫時少傾談也是好的,若是氣氛適宜傾談,也要放下自己觀點,嘗試從對方角度思考,方可求同存異。第四:在日常生活中的小事情上重建信任,言行一致,信守承諾,尋求幫助和主動支援。深信放下異見,必能建立關係。最後第五:是愛與寬恕的實踐。寬恕,是無條例的,不是交換的。寬恕,是去忘記過去的仇恨,不是當作未發生過,而是不讓它成為自己往後成長的阻礙,更不要讓傷痛化作仇恨在心中潛藏。寬恕,不是話一句就可以,而是要有一個很強的基礎支撐,這基礎就是「愛」,沒有愛的基礎,甚麼包容接納都可能再因小小衝突而像氣泡,成為空話。破損後的關係是脆弱的,更要彼此悉心維護。畢竟,人心不是靠武力征服,而是靠愛和寬容征服。

Social在現實上要把各走極端的觀點拉近使關係由互攻走向包容更非一蹴而就也是要有客觀大環境加上個人層面的小環境互相配合。「大環境」例如是社會氣氛政府立場政策及施政方針是否有利社會領袖的言論社會運動帶領者的聲音等等都發揮著大環境作用。至於「小環境」就是個人層面是否具有積極樂觀正能量在「海纳百川、有容乃大」的胸襟下真正發揮求同存異精神。要不拘小節不挑剔細微處不重提過去的錯失更不要再提對方曾經對自己所說過做過傷害的說話或事情從宏觀看對方的正面性例如對方曾經努力付出的行動欣賞對方願意走近一步的嘗試把過去積怨破冰。如果能在適當而公開的場合下表示歉意甚至可以請求對方的寬恕就是一幅非常美麗的「冰釋前嫌一笑泯恩仇」圖畫。這幅圖畫就好像約瑟見到他的哥哥時公開相認寬恕他們以前的行為彼此抱頭痛哭把積在心裡的怨憤哭了出來。

復和是條雙程路,總要有人第一步。筆者記得在數年前,目睹一對夫婦在一個營會裡彼此公開認錯,各自承認做了向對方不應作的事,請求對方原諒。彼此藉著領會者的指引,彼此寬恕對方,抱頭痛哭,重新接納,作出承諾,實在非常感動,因為一對已經到了離婚邊緣的夫婦,終於可以破鏡重圓,眾人都為他們而歡欣鼓掌。

筆者最近亦有機會見證一個意料之外的破冰行動的圖畫。看到當有人主動行出正面的第一步時,便見到另一方有第二步的出現。起因是兩位曾經相識十多年的朋友,卻因為某些事的處事手法不能認同,在某些社交平台表達意見,對方視為惡意批評,由此種下心結,且越積越深,甚至到了一個互不往來,見面轉身的局面。中間有些朋友嘗試作些援和行動,如安排輕鬆的燒烤日,或下午茶聚,皆未能成事,似乎雙方仍未到適當時侯。直到最近因為有朋友的週年紀念活動,雙方原本都未知會否出席,後來卻皆有出席。最意外之處是,某方在分享個人感恩事項時,竟然主動直接向另一方說出道歉的說話,即時全場肅靜,所有目光放在二人身上。另一方雖有些感到愕然,也能冷靜欣然接受,並主動與對方合照留念。那晚的聚會氣氛明顯地充滿更多喜悅,雖然沒有抱頭痛哭的激情,但已看到破冰之旅已經順利達至。

筆者首先要表示欣賞兩位都願意出席,若果其中一位不到場,便不可能出現此場面。當然,那位主動道歉者是有莫大的勇氣,才可在眾多友人前說出道歉之辭,不論是有多長短,願意說出道歉的話語,已是勇敢和成熟的表現。正如先前所說,復和是條雙程路,要達至和好如初可能還有一段距離,啟開正面循環線,打破惡性宿命論。

個人深信,人人都具有正負能量,只要是能夠讓心中的正能量發揮先行,便會在思想上指引正面的行動。在上述例子,雙方都讓自己「出席聚會」就是重要的一步。由於雙方都見到對方出現,另一方在心態上早已有心想處理,便趁此恰當時機表達,結果便「事就這樣成了」。

正值新春佳節,祝福各位讀者新年蒙福,把握機會釋放正能量。走出第一步,寬恕你行先。關係再建立,喜樂年復年。

尋找有時,失落有時;保守有時,捨棄有時。

撕裂有時,縫補有時;靜默有時,言語有時。

喜愛有時,恨惡有時;爭戰有時,和好有時。

(傳道書3:6-8)

 

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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