Chinese (Traditional) Chinese (Simplified)
Home本期文章「愛」字背後的艱辛

【我們都是這樣長大的】「愛」字背後的艱辛

 

我母親在我的名字中間放進一個「愛」字,因為她說主耶穌的全部教訓,歸根到底,就是一個「愛」字。直到今天,在我成為基督徒之後,我才真正明白了這個字所包含的屬靈真理。我珍惜母親給我的這個名字,不僅因為我最瞭解母親對我無保留、無條件的愛,更因為我過早地失去母親的愛。經歷了難以盡述的歷史變故、困苦艱辛、逼迫與屈辱之後,我的母親在那場「史無前例的」動亂中離開了我們。當時我只有十三歲,正是需要有母親教導呵護的年齡。母親的逝去在我心靈中造成的衝擊,無異於一次劇烈的大地震--生命的基礎坍塌了。從那以後,我的生命中不再有溫馨,不再有光明,也不再有無微不至的愛。我的名字中間的「愛」字,變成了一個令人難堪的諷刺。

Yang 2毫不誇張地說,我經歷過人類過往三千年的所有生活型態,也經歷過除了戰爭之外的所有境遇。雖然我父親在民國時期是公務員,母親是教師、校長,但當我在 1950 年代中期出生時,父親已經在千里之外的勞改農場服刑,因為他拒絕與新政府合作。母親也失去了教學工作,被遣送到父親的老家——一個大西北偏遠閉塞山區的貧窮山村,從頭學習務農。那裡的生產方式是自從我們的祖先發明了鐵器以來,從來都沒有改變過的,我從小就能熟練地使用鋤頭、鐵鍬、鐮刀、斧頭、石杵等工具,因為技術含量低,只要不惜體力就很快學得會。

Yang 3後來,在「文化大革命」中,我中學畢業後,又跟當時所有的「知識青年」一樣,被送到農村去接受「再教育」,而我去的地方是藏族遊牧民族部落,那裡的牧民仍然像數千年前的老祖宗那樣「逐水草而居」,每年搬三次家,住在黑色的牦牛毛織成的帳篷裡,外面下大雨,裡面下小雨,煮飯用的燃料就是曬乾的牛糞。我在那裡生活了差不多三年之久!

我經歷過「大躍進」、「人民公社」、「反右派」、60 年代初的「大飢荒」、「文革」......乃至 1989 年的六四運動。

在我三、四歲的時候,母親就被關在縣城裡的「學習班」裡接受「思想改造」,當時父親還在勞改農場,差不多一年的時間裡我就成了孤兒,幸好還有哥哥和姐姐們照顧我,才有幸存活下來。在 1959 年開始的「大飢荒」期間,我們肚子餓了不是回家吃飯,因為家裡沒有任何可吃的東西,我們只能去野外尋找野草野菜來充飢。我跟短宣中心的同工們分享這段見證,並演示如何吃野菜之後,他們送了我一個美名:神農氏!

我母親就是在「文革」中經受了太多身體和精神的雙重打擊,於 1968 年猝死的。她離我而去的年代,整個中國大陸的社會生活是以「恨」為軸心而運轉的。九百六十萬平方公里的廣闊土地上,到處都在展示著對「階級敵人」的「深仇大恨」,而每一個人都有可能在一夜之間變成一個十惡不赦的「階級敵人」。我和我的家人在那個年代所受的各種逼迫和歧視實在是難以盡述。

Yang 1在「改革開放」的時代,我總算有機會參加高考,上了大學,並且拿到了學士、碩士和博士學位,開始在大學裡擔任教職。那時似乎對國家重新有了信心,準備安心教書育人,為國效力。可以說,如果沒有 1989 年的「六.四」運動,我肯定不會離開祖國,成為一名「海外遊子」的。對於那個運動,三十多年來已經有很多論說,大家觀點各異,在此毋須贅述。我個人只認定一個看法:古往今來,無論中西,不同的政見都是在所難免的,但國民之間應該心平氣和,就理論理,就事論事,絕不應該動用武力解決政治爭議,這應該是現代文明國家的共識。

眼下面對席捲全中國,乃至全世界的「新冠病毒」,人們都感到無助和難過。這讓我不禁想起母親靠著信仰帶領一家人度過難關的往事。那時,正值「三年困難時期」,天災加人禍,釀成了中國大地上餓死數千萬人的大災難。在最困難的 1960 年,一連幾個月我們只能靠吃山裡的野草維持生命。那時候,因誤食毒物而中毒致死的事時有發生。我母親每天在禱告中乞求上帝,靠著信心的力量帶領一家人度過困境。那時她唱得最多的讚美歌出自《哈巴谷書》第三章第十七、十八節(因為她在我耳邊唱了無數遍,所以那歌詞深深地印在我的腦海裡,直到三十多年後我在 UBC 校園裡參加查經小組活動時唱出來後,才在別人的幫助下查到了出處):

 

雖然無花果樹不發旺,

葡萄樹不結果,

橄欖樹也不效力﹔

田地不出糧食,

圈中絕了羊,

棚裡也沒有牛。

然而我要因耶和華歡欣,

因救我的神喜樂。

 

但願同胞們,包括國家的領導人,在遭遇患難時能夠放下驕傲的心態,謙卑下來,尋求那創天造地,掌管萬有和人類歷史進程,體恤人的軟弱,供應我們一切需要的獨一真神,伏在祂面前,切切祈求禱告,才能蒙祂垂憐、賜福,必定會幫我們度過眼前的患難。

 

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

Go to top