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【特稿】感恩有祢

 

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我有三個哥哥,有三個弟弟,我排行中間,還有外婆同住,一家十口住在小唐樓裡面。因只有我一個女兒,故得到父母的疼愛,從小不用作家務,過著驕生慣養的生活。

求神拜佛愁苦多

自小跟母親求神拜佛,拜黃大仙,拜觀音,初一,十五拜袓先,去清松觀吃齋菜。當時我相信這些能夠幫助我掌握命運。

因 97 回歸的問題,父母希望移民美國。當時在美有親戚介紹對像,媽媽將我和男方的時辰八字給黃大仙批命,認為時辰八字沒有相冲就成事。我的婚姻可算是父母之命,媒妁之言而結合的。我一心以為黃大仙會為我找了好歸宿,於是一個人嫁到美國。

當我嫁到美國後,才發現黃大仙所說的與事實是完全相反。我丈夫來自中國,我是香港土生土長的,彼此背景、生活習慣及文化都不相同,又與老爺奶奶同住,往往成為相處的磨擦,如他們喜愛梅菜、咸魚乾...,我吃不慣這些食物,餐餐只好白開水淘飯。奶奶還教訓我:「初歸新婦,落地孩兒,女人在家要吃隔夜餸,要等男人回來才煮新沒有想過鮮的餸菜。」在新年期間,我寄一點錢回娘家也被奶奶責罵,而丈夫經常偏幫媽媽一同來責罵我,更難受的是丈夫對家庭沒有負起責任,表示工作辛苦,自己身體不好,故很早便不工作,經常在外閒遊。

我在這家庭是沒有地位的,從甚麼也不懂的小丫頭,搖身一變成為一個懂得打理整個家庭的小婦人。下班回家,還要做所有的家務。為了申請家人來美,只有忍氣吞聲,討好他們。當我兩個孩子出生後,我要在家照顧小孩、做家務和幫衣廠車衫。好不容易三年過後,我父母成功申請移居美國,他們對我說:「三年不見,竟然 180 度完全的改變,現在那麼能幹。」我不敢對他們說我的辛酸史,怕他們難過。

做冥婚求平安

現我有二個女兒,一個兒子,曾經流產三次,每次生兒女都沒有得到調養和休息,出院翌日便要繼續工作,丈夫不只對我沒有安慰,對兒女也不照顧,依然每天出外閒遊,回家後還埋怨我為何沒弄飯菜給他吃,我真是不能忍受就反罵他。那段日子,我們三日一小吵,五日一大吵。有朋友介紹我去問米,問米婆說出我流產三次,因沒有和他們嫁娶,他們在家中攪亂,我也信以為真,花了一筆金錢,為他們進行嫁娶冥婚的儀式,我以為從此可以家宅安寧,結果這三十幾年來,情況依然一樣,家無寧日。

我獨自面對家中所有的困難,為三個兒女供書教學,我必須咬緊牙關,撐起頭家,努力工作,維持家計,把兒女養育成人。為此,我的辛勞及感情長期抑壓漸漸變成苦毒,夫妻關係是我看見丈夫的前面,就憎他的後面,我的脾氣越來越大,不停的工作已使我不懂甚麼是愛,我好像只有軀殼,沒有靈魂,過著機械人的生活,我覺得我生存是沒有意義。

找到真神

我丈夫在公園認識一位牧師,牧師邀請他參加教會活動,並鼓勵他嘗試邀請太太來聚會。就這樣,我參與教會聚會。師母和我查考聖經,很奇妙我對聖經產生很大的興趣,好像找到心中的安慰,所以我很用心學習聖經,希望認識耶穌更多。一次,師母講解耶穌是世人的救主,「除耶穌以外、別無拯救.因為在天下人間、沒有賜下別的名、我們可以靠著得救。」(徒4:12) 原來我心裡要找尋的真神就是耶穌。在 2012 年,我決定接受耶穌,並邀請牧師將我家中所有的偶像奉主耶穌的名將它們打碎。

耶穌為我解苦毒

有天,牧師在台上講道,聖經內容是丈夫是家中的頭,妻子要順服丈夫。就算丈夫是爛泥,也要敬重他,耶穌藉著牧師的口提醒我,一個不值得敬重的丈夫,我仍要敬重他。我想到丈夫做了很多傷透我的事,我真的不知道怎樣可以原諒他。當時我的眼淚忍不住地流出來,只好心中默禱神,求神幫助我,賜我力量順服神的教導,回想起自己對丈夫沒有尊重的往事,一幕一幕浮現眼前,因心中的苦毒常常蔑視他,我被「自我」和「自強」苦害了自己。

我知道自己也有過錯,我流淚向神認罪悔改,並原諒丈夫的不是,就在這刻,神醫治我的傷痛,神將我一切苦毒從悔悟的淚水中流走了。感謝神使我心中苦毒如大石般「砰」一聲除去。此後,我再沒有與丈夫吵罵,事事忍讓他。感謝神教導我,更賜我力量能饒恕,使我心中充滿平安和喜樂!

我媽因中風入住療養院。90 歲的老爺和奶奶很多病痛,原本與她女兒同住,後因姑奶要求送他們回來與我們同住,我丈夫也贊同。若是以前未信耶穌的我,必定極力反對,大吵大罵,然後奪門而去,沒有商量的餘地。因丈夫不會照顧他們,照顧兩老的責任必然全部落在我身上。

因我信了耶穌,耶穌改變了我凡事要尊重丈夫,我心裡很平靜,沒有作任何的反對,只是心中默禱神說:「我自知沒能力照顧老爺、奶奶,如果神要我與他們同住,求神賜我力量,不然,求神解決我這困境。」神賜的是超出我所想所求!老爺、奶奶搬回來不久,因健康問題要入住療養院,與我媽同一院舍。感謝神!我可以上班,又可以返教會;神更賜我足夠的愛心和力量,帶著喜樂的心每晚去服侍三位老人家,為他們蓋被,更換尿布,打點一切後才回家休息。我能盡一點孝心照顧三位老人家,真是很開心,感謝神有美好的安排!

如是這樣過了幾年。奶奶健康退化患有失智症,有時認不出親人,有次他以為我是看護員,對我說:「我的家嫂同你一樣這麼好的,」過後她又認得我是誰,很開心向旁邊的院友說:「你們看看,這就是我的好新婦,她又來探望我啦。」

教會有姊妹說我改變了很多,與以前大不相同。從前的我是不理睬別人,很高傲,信徒很怕與我接觸,現在我有親切笑容,在教會裏熱心事奉,又經常關心別人。

我的兒女看見耶穌改變了我,時常喜樂隨和,作事有幹勁,勤奮學習及參與教會事奉,他們也願意去教會認識耶穌。感謝神!

各位朋友,人疲倦時,可以在床上竭一下,很快補充體力,但心靈的疲倦,卻是難以解決。「凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裏來,我就使你們得安息。」(馬太福音11:28)

感恩認識耶穌,在耶穌裡我得平安,祂抹乾我一切眼淚,解開我愁苦。當你感到寂寞,困惱,無力繼續走下去時,願你也像我一樣接受耶穌,耶穌必擔當你的軟弱與困憂,解開你生命一切的困惱,讓你能擁有喜樂平安的人生!

 

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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