Chinese (Traditional) Chinese (Simplified)
Home本期文章父親節談管教

【向陽心聲】父親節談管教

 

 Headline Ny Atc

 

提起父親節,就想起管教,父母管教兒女的方法很多,略舉如下﹕

不正確的管教

1.傳統罵的管教

很多中國父母照傳統教導孩子,父母權柄高高在上,對兒女「愛在心裏口難開」,鮮有摟抱兒女或說親切話,對兒女的好表現視為理所當然,若一不合自己心意,立刻口不擇言大罵,還把兒女塵封錯事拉出來算帳,那是極惹兒女氣憤的事;有的父母在親友、兒女的朋友前照罵如故,還以為「知恥近乎勇」,以為兒女會因羞愧而改正。誰曉得效果剛相反,祗能造成兒女心靈創傷。在苛責中長大的孩子,缺乏自信心、容易自暴自棄,甚是可惜。

2.濫用體罰的管教

有的父母教訓兒女,動不動就體罰,如打耳光,或隨手拿東西向兒女兜頭打下去等等,這是錯誤的管教,因是父母發洩怒氣之舉。結果輕的是兒女對父母懷恨,嚴重的會傷害兒女生命,得不償失。記得多年前,有一年輕中國母親因女兒撒謊,一時氣憤,大力把女兒的頭撞向牆壁,導致女兒腦部出血死亡,後此母親被法律制裁,還會一輩子因誤殺女兒而內疚。

3.偏心的管教

有的父母因某兒女漂亮聰明、或功課好而偏愛,故管教有失公允;有的父母專門挑剔或打罵某個兒女,對其他兒女卻諸多縱容,這種管教能導致兒女心懷不平,產生妒忌紛爭。

4.殘害兒女的溺愛

有的父母對兒女祇盡力供應物質享受,對其濫交損友、染上不良習慣、處世待人狡猾、欺詐等等若視無睹,這是遺害兒女無窮的溺愛。一旦兒女惡習已成,父母後悔莫及了。

最好的管教方法

1. 按照聖經教導而施教

最好的管教乃是按照聖經的教訓來教導兒女,故此,從小帶領兒女明白救恩,接受耶穌基督作救主,一生行走神喜悅的道路,讓大能慈愛的聖靈作他們隨時的導師,那才是最重要最妥善的方法。

聖經說﹕「你們作父母的,不要惹兒女的氣,祗要照主的教訓和警戒,養育他們。」(弗六﹕4)作父母要常為兒女禱告,也要為自己禱告,求神賜下聰明智慧來養育神賜給我們的產業。也請記得,神才是孩子的主人,父母祇是管家而已。故此,請別苛求兒女為你圓夢,也請別按你的心意來決定兒女的選科、職業及娶嫁的人選。否則,終會弄至親子關係破裂,十分可惜。

2. 按年齡施教

父母要按孩子年齡施教,注重品格的栽培,如敬畏神、孝敬父母、尊敬長者,誠實、正直、有愛心、有憐憫等等,良好的品格和習慣要從小養成。

施教時,請先聆聽孩子的解釋,請告訴他為何你要施教。孩子才會心服口服,得施教之益處。

如果真的要體罰,筆者主張用報紙捲成棍子狀,祗打手和屁股,絕不打頭部,更不能用皮帶、拖鞋等物件兜頭兜腦亂打。孩子稍長,不宜體罰,應勸告開導。若父母施教錯誤,請向孩子道歉,此舉會讓孩子尊重你,因為祗有正直、勇敢的父母才會向晚輩認錯。

3.因愛施教大有效果

曾聽過一個真實故事﹕有一基督徒家庭,兒子常偷竊,父母用盡方法都無法令兒子改過,有一次兒子因順手牽羊被抓。當晚父親把兒子帶回家,拿起家法的小棍子,把妻女也叫來一起訓話。兒子心想,爸爸大概如前把他大罵一頓,再打幾下了事。誰曉得父親把兒子被抓的事痛心地講了一遍,突然心有感觸,摟著兒子,痛哭失聲﹕『我真是對神不起,沒有好好教導我的兒子,我該死!被打的該是我才對!』父親一邊痛哭,一邊拿起棍子不停地拼命打自己,全家哭成一團,兒子摟住父親,身不由己跪在父親面前,痛哭悔改﹕『爸爸,不要再打自己,該死的是我。我不再偷東西了,不再偷了!』這個兒子被父親的愛感動,真的痛改前非,成為一個品行優良、愛主愛人的人。

由此可見,若兒女明白父母因愛才施教,管教才有功效。

4.父母言行與陣容要一致

施教時,要言出必行才能收效。故此,請別誇大其詞,說些自己不能作的話,如「你再這樣,我就打死你」等等;也有父母親要管教兒女,其配偶在旁攔阻,結果變成夫婦對罵,孩子無所適從。故此,父母要互相配合,有時要輪流唱黑臉和白臉,祇要能同心為兒女好處著想而施教,效果會很好。

5.作兒女的好朋友,循循善誘

聆聽兒女的心聲,作他們的好朋友,喜討論、講道理。與兒女談心時,請記得要「快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒」,在適當時機才加以輔導,能收事半功倍之效。故此,別小看全家一同吃晚飯、談心,或週末郊遊等等共處的時光,那是連繫親子情的黏土。

6.以身作則的管教

諺語說﹕「上樑不正下樑歪」,好父母必須要以身作則,在管教上才能有功效。你要孩子有愛心,你必須是個有愛心的人,你要孩子用功唸書嗎?你必須也事事勤奮。你要孩子孝順嗎?你必須孝敬你和你配偶的父母。你要孩子誠實嗎?你必須是個童叟不欺的人,你要孩子行事為人光明嗎?你也必須言行光明、心口一致......。

請記得,你如要兒女聽話、尊重你、愛你,你必須尊重婚姻的承諾,愛你的配偶。一個破裂、有婚外情的家庭,父母常爭吵不休,孩子鄙視父母所作所為,他們連家都不想歸,怎麼會聽從你的管教?

而一個和諧喜樂的家庭,父母與兒女互相關愛,遇到困難問題時,自然會同心面對解決,這豈不是我們作父母成功施教,又夢寢所求的嗎?

 

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

Go to top