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【讀經隨想】饒恕之後,必然復合?

 

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「神差我在你們以先來,為要給你們存留餘種在世上,又要大施拯救,保全你們的生命。這樣看來,差我到這裡來的不是你們,乃是 神。衪又使我如法老的父,做他全家的主,並埃及全地的宰相。」 (創世紀四十五:7-8)

聖經在創世紀中,也有一個人世間最珍貴的眼淚的故事。它講述了約瑟被他十個兄長出賣,但通過約瑟所受的苦,上帝讓他學會了知足,不困囿於報復的惡念(即饒恕),也不追求空洞的虛榮。然後,在上帝的安排下,時機成熟了,上帝就幫助他的眾兄弟與上帝自己完全和好、也與約瑟冰釋前嫌,手足和解(即復合),彼此相愛。

黃维仁博士在學習饒恕的課程中說:「『饒恕』」和『復合』不同。饒恕是單方面原諒對方,讓自己從心裡的監牢進入自由的天地。而復合需要雙方的努力,重建彼此的信任;對方也需要為自己做錯的事情承擔責任。若在對方不認錯改正之前就馬上復合,有可能造成更大的傷害;而信任感更需要用時間來換取」。約瑟與兄長的復合,清楚說明了這一點。有一些人誤以為饒恕傷害自己的人就意味著必須跟他重歸於好,其實並非必然。饒恕通常能夠促成復合,但是有時,在一些涉及嚴重的暴力或者過錯方拒絕改正的情況下,雙方並不一定會和解。畢竟和解是一個雙向的過程,只有雙方都願意為此努力時,才會取得成功。就像約瑟的眾兄長必須通過上帝命定的考驗,為自己對約瑟的殘酷作為,徹底地認罪悔改,才有之後約瑟的認親與家人團聚啊!

故事的起頭:約瑟的哥哥們因嫉妒父親非常偏愛他,而將他賣給埃及人為奴隸。然而耶和華神與約瑟同在,向他施恩(創三十九:21a),使他在司獄及法老的眼前蒙恩,一步一步升高為宰相,治理埃及,神計劃用他來完成拯救的計劃。當大饑荒來臨之際,惟獨埃及全地有糧食,約瑟的十個哥哥們奉父命去埃及買糧食。約瑟立刻認出了自己的兄長,而他們卻只看到一位既嚴肅又可怕、權位之高僅次於法老的埃及貴族。

約瑟向他們說話的語氣嚴厲,而且總是要通過埃及的傳譯員。他斥責他們是奸細,把他們囚禁在監獄裡三天。約瑟這樣做,是想報仇雪恥嗎?人有冤仇,心中自傷、自憐或心存苦毒,自然想報復。但約瑟與上帝的親密合一,幫助他除去這種心態,又從上帝得到豐沛的智慧,去策劃一個真正的復合,重建一家完整的屬靈生命。

上帝藉約瑟給他哥哥們的考驗,以及他們怕性命不保的恐懼,喚醒他們的良知,他的兄長必須先看清自己的罪和罪的後果,並且認罪悔改。當眾兄長用希伯來話坦誠認罪時,却不知道約瑟在旁,聽得一清二楚。那一刻, 眾兄長只意識到上帝的審判公正有理 ,而約瑟在旁,卻領會到上帝的大恩。他親見上帝感動了十位哥哥的心,為了不讓他們看見他哭,他轉身離開了。這是他第一次的痛哭,帶下了真正的饒恕。

但是僅有那點內疚感是不足以讓他們眾兄弟冰釋前嫌的和好,所以藉著這時機,約瑟接著測試他們,把西緬留在獄中;命他們把最小的弟弟便雅憫帶到埃及來;並把銀子留在他們口袋裡。當約瑟看見他同母的兄弟便雅憫,與兄長同來時,「約瑟愛弟之情發動,就急忙尋找可哭之地,進入自己的屋裡,哭了一場」( 創四十三:30)。約瑟是性情中人,觸景生情,忍不住第二次哭了。

宴席上,他給便雅憫的食物比給別人的多五倍。約瑟刻意這麼做,要看看他們是否劣性不改,嫉妒在家得寵的小弟。之後他又把銀杯留在便雅憫的口袋裡;他不讓他們全都留下作奴僕,堅持只扣留便雅憫一人。這一切的考驗,為了讓眾兄長為他們自己當年對約瑟的嫉妒和憎恨徹底認罪悔改。這些情況,正好給他們痛改前非的機會,讓他們根除惡念和劣行。

兄長們對便雅憫和父親由衷的愛,不讓他們接受約瑟提供的脱身機會;猶大寧願犧牲性命,也不肯讓老父失去便雅憫。上帝改變了每一位兄長的心,也只有上帝能賜下真正認罪悔改的心!那個小時侯對兄弟們的感受毫不在意的約瑟(約三十七:5-11),此刻吩咐身邊的家僕全部離開,第三次大哭起來。這次的眼淚充滿了完全的饒恕與對上帝的感恩!他說:「我是約瑟,我的父親還在嗎?」(約四十五:1-3),約瑟看見他們驚惶害怕,就說:「不要因為把我賣到這裡自憂自恨,這是上帝差我在你們以先來,為要保全生命。」接着,他擁抱便雅憫,又與眾弟兄親吻,人人喜極而泣,抱頭痛哭。

從約瑟的故事中,我們學習到「饒恕不是忘記」,而是嘗試「從神的角度看待不好的回憶」。"從前你們的意思是要害我,但神的意思原是好的,要保全許多人的性命,成就今日的光景"( 創五十:10) 。約瑟成功演繹了一個「饒恕與復合」的過程;他的三次眼淚,也為我們講述了一個在真實的人世間,最珍貴的眼淚的故事。

親愛的阿爸天父:

我們讚美祢,祢是傑出的籌劃者,我們要稱謝祢的名。祢從起初指明末後的事,從古時言明未成的事,祢說:「我的籌算必立定;凡我所喜悅的,我必成就。」謝謝聖靈以大能充滿我,讓我能夠以善勝惡,選擇饒恕虧負我的人。也求主幫助我,願意將我的道路交託給祢,安息在祢裡面;相信祢在適當的時候,要將這些關係中美善的目的彰顯出來。奉耶穌基督的聖名,感恩禱告祈求,阿們!

 

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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